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Episode #80: K.I.T.T.A.R.D.S.™

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Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Dr. P
Producer: Booze, Dr. P

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Cats. Cats! CATS!

That’s right, listeners, we’ve finally given up and decided to give you what everybody on the Inter(net) really wants. Cats.

These aren’t just normal cats, though. These little guys are special. REAL special. They’re Kittards™.

Don’t worry, we’ve still got our usual monkey stuff for ya’. In fact we have a recently declassified exclusive on World War 2 monkeys tunneling out of a Prisoner of War camp. Our favorite Idiot of Facebook tells us how she calls hospitals around the country to ask for the weather forecast. But, is she as dumb as our brand new Idiots of YouTube? You decide.

Meanwhile, Professor Stephen Hawking gets jiggy with it, a young boy is disappointingly shot in the head only once, and a Chinese Chinaman’s trousers fly off as he’s accidentally blown into the stratosphere.

Oh, and one of us eats some herbal confectionary sent in by a listener. What could possibly go wrong?

So stick this in your ear and remember what Harrison Ford so nearly said… It ain’t the size of the candy bar, honey. It’s the dosage.

This show was proudly sponsored by The Venice Cookie Company and Darik Datta’s Kittard™ Ranch.

But still not Audible. Bastards.

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Episode #77: A Very Naughty Monkey

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Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Dr. P
Producer: Booze

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hoff_sfj_coverHola, my honkies!

Due to cutbacks, our intrepid reporter Dr. P has had to change his mode of news gathering transportation. A little thing like that won’t stop him, though. Join us as we investigate the zoo in North Korean capital Poonyang, the very naughty monkey-ridden streets of India, and most hair-raisingly of all… the classrooms of Florida.

Work has been slow for Bane off of Batman since The Dark Knight Rises. We find him on a Qatari construction site with a fun new best friend and his very own toilet bucket.

Meanwhile, we Rank the Worst Pets in Movies, which sends Belasco off on a vitriolic and sustained tirade against one of the best loved animals in cinema history. And Booze compares a cat to Gordon Ramsay.

Oh, and we reveal which great big fat dead actor who was in The Godfather had a secret NASCAR obsession. You won’t BELIEVE who it is!

So… install the Sweet Feathery Jesus widget* on your beeper, pager or smartphone & stick this in your earhole.

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* (We haven’t got a Sweet Feathery Jesus widget. Use iTunes, Stitcher or RSS)

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Cover art by Al Hoffman

Episode #62.5 – Iranian Space Monkey

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  • 00:00 – Open/Intro
  • 02:39 – Dead Dad Advice
  • 11:35 – Ask Bane
  • 15:11 – Dr. P’s News Round
  • 15:42 – Doodle Diddler in Trouble Again
  • 20:10 – Love, Waffle House Style
  • 22:23 – Iranian Space Monkey
  • 27:54 – New Zealand Cat Hater
  • 33:36 – Close

 

 

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Episode #57: Booze Goes to Crazy Corn

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Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Dr. P
Producer: Booze, Belasco

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We all know the BIG differences between Britain & the USA. One of has loads more delicious guns than the other, our footballs are slightly dissimilarly shaped & at least one of us drives on the wrong side of the road. But if you ever find yourself on the other side of the pond & want to avoid looking like a complete rube, what are those LITTLE differences you should be looking out for?

As we’re the podcast that joins hands across the Atlantic Ocean, we thought we’d better investigate. The results were surprising. Turns out it’s mainly all about knitwear & our corn deployment strategies.

Booze brings us a field recording from the niblet sensation that’s sweeping the nation, Belasco squeezes in more English old lady pirate impressions than are strictly necessary & Dr. P takes to the skies to bring us more news about tortoises attacking humans.*

Speaking of different, our Scotch cousins feature prominently in this episode. And there may or may not be an ill-advised Scotchman impression contained within. If you are easily offended, or are Scotch, or have ever been to Scotchland, or have any idea how a Scotchman should actually sound, or have seen a film with Sean Connery in it… you probably shouldn’t listen to this podcast.

Oh… and Hiccup’s back!

*Doesn’t actually contain any news about tortoises attacking humans.

 

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Episode #56: When Tortoises Attack!

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Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Dr. P
Producer: Booze, Belasco

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In which we become obsessed by the fact that The Daily Mail is obsessed by animals attacking humans.

Naughty foxes, suicidal squirrels, disgruntled badgers, homicidal donkeys, c***ish cats & a swan with a grudge… we investigate them all in a Special Dr. P’s News Round Special Report Special.

Belasco reveals himself to be the man of a thousand voices, Dr. P wrestles some waterfowl & Booze forgets to turn his telly off, before displaying his ignorance about arcane British laws & the American justice system.

Our old Italian friend Stefano(!) covers the famous Beatles song ‘Elp for us on his agoostic guitar, & we unfortunately break a very important podcast rule.

So close your patio doors, make sure your upstairs windows are secured against feline second-story men & stick some Sweet Feathery Jesus into your ear-pipes.

It might just save your life next time you come up against a chaffinch with a chip on his shoulder.
 
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Episode #55: Three Men and an Onion

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Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Dr. P
Producer: Booze, Belasco

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In which Dr. P tries to get accepted into the Guinness Book of World Records (Onion section), Belasco falls madly in love with a nice young lady who’s getting her anus tattooed & Booze wants you to know that song isn’t really in his key.

We insult the memory of a dead England soccer captain, laugh at an unfortunate German & reveal that we prefer our Jesus to have a beard, if at all possible.

There may be a lion loose in this podcast, so please remain in your caravans and keep all doors and windows closed.

 

 

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