Baseball All-Star Game cancelled!!!1!!1

[melon]

Ohio little league cancels All-Star game, cites self-esteem of children as the reason.

http://video.nbc5.com/player/?id=270311


http://www.myfoxcleveland.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=D2D5C20A057CD2FE8AB0564737F27F6D ?contentId=6856475&version=8&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

[Dr. P]

Shit, I thought you meant the real one.

[Verno]

On an episode of Arrested Development, one of the kids received a report card from the hippy school they were attending. Instead of getting A's and F's, she received, "Your performance in math makes me feel" and then the teacher would draw a smiling sun, or a sad flower, or what have you. While that was an obvious jab to the soccer-mom culture, I promise it was also a peek into the future.

"Mommy! I got a circle in math!!! Yay!!!!" Makes me want to wear metal track cleats wherever I go.

[Spooner]

^A-fucking-men. And now does *everyone* at least understand my unfettered rage against soccer-moms and soccer-mom culture? 'Course ya do.

And, I'll say that this lead article is still a distant second to hearing about kids having to call Tug of War "Tug of Fun" (which they'll get plenty of in junior high). This is by far the worst of the worst, lowest of the low.

Soon I'm going to post a photo-journalistic spread of the town I live in. You guys really aren't going to believe what I will post. My local tax dollars have now gone to changing the soccer-mom "safely cross the quiet, traffic'less street" flags from neon ORANGE to SAFETY YELLOW, with a silhouette of a little faggot HOLDING the very flag. The speed limit in these areas is as low as (ready?) 15MPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's just for openers. Shit you not. :tip:

[Heap]

This article is one of the many reasons why I won't ever have kids. It would be kucking torture for the poor bastard to be forced to associate with his asshole-pussy peers.




Soon I'm going to post a photo-journalistic spread of the town I live in.

You know, I think I'm going to put my digital camera in the center console of my car for this reason.

[Spooner]

^^Please do. I think a good multimedia soccer-mom thread would "go over a storm" here (kkhhhheeeee!).

Yeah, I feel the opposite way sometimes, Heapers. I WANT to have kids so that I can raise them old-school and they can be raised to be leaders instead of lemmings, and give them the edge to shame the fruity kids who fall into all this horseshit. That is my hope. I will personally feed them all the necessary grills and one-liners to throw at these fags until they develop their own repertoire... lmao.

:tip:

[Booze]

This bullshit has been going on here for quite some time. Don't let it take root there. We used to have an empire, you know.

[Spooner]

Oh, it's way beyond "taking" root, Boozer. The goddamn cement is fucking DRY on this shit here. There are a few states that've held out it seems--some good ol' Midwestern states and some Southern ones, too. You won't find 'em not keeping score at little league games in fucking Oklahoma or Nebraska or Michigan, man... tell - you - what.

When you hear "Blue State," Booze... seriously--it means SOCCER-MOM STATE. Beans honor! :tip:

I was up at my best friend's pad for the 4th, and his kid (my godson) is now almost 15, OKAY. My buddy would NOT let this fucking TEENAGER light off anything but faggy fountains. I'd had enough and said (seriously), "Dude, what are you RAISING HERE! You gonna put a skirt on this kid next year or WHAT?!! Give him the lighter and have him blast off some fucking mortars, man!!" He finally acquiesced and the kid was uncoiling those foot-long fuses, dropping those baseballs down the pipes, and torchin' it. 15 fucking years old and his old man (mostly because of the gunt wife) won't let him light off a few fucking mortars. Insane. I started off lightly, by saying, "Maybe we should just put him in a sand pit and give him some sparklers and snakes... whaddya think." Jeeeeezus KeeeRIST!

[the deta]

I remember hearing a story about a playground what welded their merry go round so it would not spin anymore because some kid fell off it and broke their arm.

Carlin had some great bits on this, the Pussification of America.

[Franks n Beans]

what a melon head thread

[The BYP]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPbPTZIrzeg
CPbPTZIrzeg

[Spooner]

^^Without question, the official SFJ Theme Song.

[Hole In Face]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPbPTZIrzeg
CPbPTZIrzeg

She has nice DSL (Dick sucking lips).

[moneymaker]

^^Without question, the official SFJ Theme Song.

the single-wide trailer backdrop seals it.

[Spooner]

^^Dude, now that you mention it, you can see her goddamn microwave from about four "rooms" deep--straight back. Good eye for the single-wide. lmao :tip:

[Heap]

Ok, I'm watching the real All Star Game right nowand though it's come to be a pretty good game, a thought's come to mind. I think it is necessary with all that has become so schlocky with high profile sporting events, Joe Buck ought to be sacrificed into a fiery pit in exchange for all the insufferable bullshit surrounding such events. I'd nominate Mike Greenberg to be the next up for a similar sacrifice.

[Verno]

Are you serious? Joe Buck is Vin Scully compared to his "color" guy McCarver. THAT guy is insufferable.

And you're right, it's actually a good and interesting game.

[Heap]

Tim McCarver is pretty bad, too. But at least we only have to put up with him in baseball season.

[Dr. P]

I'd nominate Mike Greenberg to be the next up for a similar sacrifice.

Anyone lays a hand on Greenie and I'll Joe Buck they whole family up. That little jew is the golden calf.

[melon]

They cancelled the wrong All-Star game.

Tim McCarver is horrendous though, he HAS to give some analysis all the time for every little thing that happens in a game. Shut the fucj up tim McCarver, just shut up and let me watch the game.

[Franks n Beans]

Beats hearing "Holy cow" all the time.

[Dr. P]

I love hearing Colin Cowherd impersonate him. "STRIKE!!!! That was an inside two finger slitty!"

[Pull Out Method]

Ok, I'm watching the real All Star Game right nowand though it's come to be a pretty good game, a thought's come to mind. I think it is necessary with all that has become so schlocky with high profile sporting events, Joe Buck ought to be sacrificed into a fiery pit in exchange for all the insufferable bullshit surrounding such events. I'd nominate Mike Greenberg to be the next up for a similar sacrifice.

I agree on all counts... Buck and McCarver are both horrendous. I miss the good old days when I could hear Bob Uecker call the all star game. Uecker never gave you any bullshit insight, if he didn't know what the hell just happened, he would tell you just that.

[Spooner]

I sure as hell hope someone in here is old enough to remember the great Jim Healey. NO ONE beat him--he was the original Hendrie but with just sports commentaries and unreal clips from McCarver, Victor Kiam, and all the other utter fucking morons in sports.

He was broadcast out of L.A. and massively revered---died about 15 years ago. If any of you cats has (or can find) and Healey material, PM me or post 'er up here. You'd all've loved him. Brilliant cat.

[Heap]

For the small handfull of baseball fans here, how did you team do at the trade deadline? I'm going to have to see to believe it that dismantling the best outfield in MLB is worth having the LaRoche brothers at the corners and some new pitching prospects.

[TheWagesofSin]

^ I don't know what the F you're talking about. I heard the Dodgers got "ManRam". I can hardly contain my excitement

[Pull Out Method]

I'm very excited to see Teixeira go to the Angels. They are a fun team to watch, and he will just make it better. They are one of the only teams that still runs, and hits, and throws. Should be a great addition.

[The Larry]

The D-rays have had a really good season, anyone think they'll go to the world series? I'm pretty skeptical about it personally, but hey, stranger things have happened.

[Bob Green]

I'm psyched to get rid of Manny Ramirez. There will be plenty more elderly men to throw around to the ground in Los Angeles. Not just on the team, either.....heyo!

[Bob Green]

The D-rays have had a really good season, anyone think they'll go to the world series? I'm pretty skeptical about it personally, but hey, stranger things have happened.


Rays / Angels would be a safe bet.

[Verno]

I'm psyched to get rid of Manny Ramirez. There will be plenty more elderly men to throw around to the ground in Los Angeles. Not just on the team, either.....heyo!

Are you Bill Simmons, what with the "heyo!!!" saying after a joke?

I know you are a huge Sox fan as am I, and I totally agree it was time to change. Especially now after seeing Bay have a 1.600 OPS over the weekend. Bay reminds me of Trot Nixon without the gimp hammy (hopefully).

[Bob Green]

Are you Bill Simmons, what with the "heyo!!!" saying after a joke?

I know you are a huge Sox fan as am I, and I totally agree it was time to change. Especially now after seeing Bay have a 1.600 OPS over the weekend. Bay reminds me of Trot Nixon without the gimp hammy (hopefully).

I like Bay, think he's a standup guy. Anyone who expects Manny numbers is kidding themselves, although he's the same age Manny was when we signed him.

He's got good potential and real nice hair.

[Heap]

I can't piece which "prospect" came from which team, but I think one of those guys that the Bucs got from Bay/Nady might turn out nice. But I read Bay got a standing ovation in the pregame lineup announcements at Fenway. That's a nice way to start off in any new club, as far as I can tell.

[Verno]

I like Bay, think he's a standup guy. Anyone who expects Manny numbers is kidding themselves, although he's the same age Manny was when we signed him.

He's got good potential and real nice hair.

Sure, Bay won't have Manny-like numbers, but I will say this about him: for every run Manny contributed to over what Bay will contribute to, Manny gave the other team as many runs due to his shitass defense. After seeing Bay throw out the guy stretching a single the other day... man, haven't seen that out of a left fielder since the Clinton administration.

Heap, I'd say the Pirates probably made the right choice in trading Nady and Bay. They aren't going anywhere in the next 2-3 years anyway and they ended up with how many players in those 2 deals? 15?

[melon]

Thats just Manny being Manny.

[Heap]

I think it's his pants. I watched a few innings of a Dodgers game the other night at a bar. I can't see how the hell he can move in those parachute pajama pants he wears on the field.

[melon]

It's those fucin Predator dreads. They put pressure on his brain.

[moneymaker]

Thats just Manny being Manny.

i.e. Assholes are Assholes.

[Bob Green]

I think it's his pants. I watched a few innings of a Dodgers game the other night at a bar. I can't see how the hell he can move in those parachute pajama pants he wears on the field.

He's a mumbling, stuttering little prickya....

[TheWagesofSin]

Is this the unofficial baseball thread? I couldn't find a better one.

Anyway, I was just wondering when all those Brewers fans are gonna piss their pants like they said they would.

[Taco Teo]

Guess I'll be pulling my Brewers shirt out of the closet now. I'm not peeing in it though.

[melon]

Dock Ellis died. The article says he was best known for his activism, but he was really remembered most for throwing a no-hitter on acid.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3782859
http://www.snopes.com/sports/baseball/ellis.asp

[Mr. Irrelevant]

Huh, I only knew him because died and the sport-news industry is talking about it. So now he's best known for being a dead guy. Just like Ed.

[Spooner]

Dock Ellis was a legend.

Pics of him bustin' curlers at pre-game pitching warmups:
http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/6885/dockelliscurlers50cryt7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Video of the last out of his acid-addled no-hitter:
http://www.video.mlb.com/tributes/ellis_d_no_hitter_1971_video984d64a687 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTQOpibv_OA)

[melon]

Nice vid Spoon. He looked so happy after that last out!

[Dr. P]

Damn, I didn't know there was footage of that!

[TheWagesofSin]

See, you guys played along this time...Melon even sold it. FUCK! I GOT ROLLED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!

lmao




(should've known Spoons would never be that interested in a black baseball player in curlers...)






edit- Spoons, just saw your sig..."ossified on two beers"...lmao lmao You fags are killin' me with dis shit.

[Spooner]

AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao :rofl: (But, for reals, I really dug Dock Rivers...)

[melon]

Holey shit. The Yanks signed Mark Teixeira, $180 mill for for eight years.

[Spooner]

Say yer fucking JOKING, Melon. Say it ain't fuckin' so.

[Mr. Irrelevant]

No one in the MLB is worth $22.5 mil a year! No wonder it costs Yankees fans $100 a pop to sit up in the nose-bleeds. Fuck that!

I remember when Mrs. The Sav and I went to a Yankees game back in '04. We got our tickets for free and it's a good thing because we we about 5 rows back from first base and we saw the ticket stubs and they were almost $200 bucks... that was for a regular season game!!!

[Spooner]

Fuck Steinheeber & fuck the Yankees. Faggots with their fruity DH. Fuck American League ball.