Reaper696
01-10-2006, 03:51 PM
This is my little fray into my inner lunatic, hope y'alls enjoy...
(In a sleepy metropolis,where criminals like to wear costumes before commiting crime,there is one man who vows to do away with them all.He even wears a costume himself so they don't feel left out.Join us now as we show one dark knight's fight for justice and a decent profit margin...)
Alfred:Mr. Wayne sir.
Bruce:Hmm?
Alfred:A Congressman Lecher is on the phone for you.
Bruce:Very well....Hello?.....A contributor's banquet tonight?Well,I'm not one of your contributors.....Oh,you think it might change my mind do you?.......Topless waitresses you say,well it does sound tempting,but I........Ok,I'll show up,but keep your hands in your own pockets.....Ok,see you then,bye-bye (click).
Alfred:I take it I should find your good underwear sir?
Bruce:No need Alfred,if the Congressman can smell them,he might think I'm as full of shit as he is.It might come in handy.
Alfred:As you wish sir.
Bruce: ( Hmmm,I wonder if he can get me a few tax cuts,this was not the year to sell door-to-door airline food...)
Meanwhile, at the party...
Lecher:BRUCE!How are ya!?Good to see ya!
Bruce:MM-HMM.
Lecher:You see,I'm looking for contributors with deep pockets.I need someone to back me up when trying to get my ideas off the ground.
Bruce:What ideas are you "trying to get off the ground"?
Lecher:You see Bruce,I can get laws passed with relative ease if I have enough "grease for the machine",know what I mean?
Bruce:MM-HMM.
Lecher:And you see with your investment,your INVESTMENTS will be carried out.
Bruce:Sounds good so far,but what if you get caught and my name start popping up in the papers?
Lecher:No problem,I have plenty of staff to blame.With every new contributor I hire one more staff member,you see the waitresses here?
Bruce:Yeah.
Lecher:They were all Ted Kennedy's staffmembers at one time or another.
Bruce:That explains it.
Lecher:Ha ha.So,are you interested?
Bruce:Almost,I tried to sell door-to-door airline food this year and the consumers weren't buying it,I thought if no one's flying they might want to take the experience home.I fired that asshole who gave me that idea,he's a zoo hooker now.So I need a few cuts and shelters for my taxes 'til I figure out what to do with 3,000,000 Lunchables.
Lecher:Uhhh,yeah,ok.So I'll talk to you later on about our "investment",ok?I gotta polish more butts tonight.
Bruce:You got it.(Now that my economy's spared,time to go shop for waitresses...)
Joker:WELL WELL FUCKING WELL!The damn congressman has a party and didn't even send me an invitation!Naughty naughty Lecher,I voted for you the last election.You know how much I like a good joke!HAHAHAHAHA!
Lecher:What the hell do you want,Joker?
Joker:Simple,I want you to lobby for my girlfriend's freedom.Harley's been in ther 3,LOOOOONG DAYS,and I think it's time she was reprieved of her transgressions.
Lecher:I don't think so Joker,she DID give the mayor a wedgie and switched gas pumps to pump Kool Aid.
Joker:I thought that was funny!You don't even see such ingenuity on TV anymore,what ever happened to the ol' pie in the face?
Lecher:I'm sorry Joker,she's gonna be stuck for a while.
Joker:Then YOUR happy ass will be stuck with me and a Yoko Ono album until you change your mind pal!
Batman:I don't think so.
Joker: D ammit Batman,can't I be an evil prick without you butting in for once?!
Batman:...Naaah!
Joker:Well you're not gonna win this time you costumed freak! TIME TO GO LECHER! HAHAHAHAHAHA(FSSSSSSSS)!
Batman:Now who the hell...are...you...callllllllin' a ...costumed ..........freak........(bitch).................... ......Ungh,what happened?
Commish:The Joker has kidnapped the Congressman,no loss I'd say.
Batman:Easy for you to say,you have a steady paycheck.
Commish: Indeed Batman,but the Joker has vanished.There's not a trace of him anywhere!
Batman:Ha ha ha...
Commish:What's so funny Batman?
Batman:The joke is on the Joker this time,he's gonna torure the Congressman with Yoko Ono albums,you can hear that banshee bitch miles away.
Commish: Ok Batman,if you can find him I'd be much obliged.
Batman: Obliged enough to start paying me?
Commish:Ha ha.I'll see you later...
Meanwhile,at Joker's hideout...
Joker: Hee hee,before I show you the sheer pain of Yoko,do you want to change your mind and free my girl?
Lecher:Never!There's no profit in it for me!
Joker:Yes there is,I let you live,and your ears won't be as damaged after the Yoko torture if you act now.
Lecher:NEVER!Do your worst!If I can handle Strom Thurmond's rantings I can handle ANYTHING!!!
Joker:Ok,you asked for it(click)...
YOKO:WEEEEEEEEEE!OOOEEEEOOOEEEEEEEEEEE!
Lecher:Oh my god...
YOKO:WAAAAAAAAOOOAAAAAOOOAAAAAAAA!EEEEEE!
Lecher:And I though Tiny Tim was fucked...
YOKO:LALALALALAAAAAAAAAAA!OOOOOEEEEEEAAAAAAOOOOOEE EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Lecher:Oh fuck this,Waaaaaaaa!
Joker:Awwww,wittle Congwessman needs a nappy poo?All you gotta do is free my missus,and Yoko goes away.
Lecher:AAAAAAAAAA!(breath)AAAAAAAAAAAA!
Henchman ..1:Boss,there's a bike coming our way!
Joker:A bike?We don't know anyone with a motorcycle!
Henchman ..1:No Boss,a bike.You know,with pedals and stuff.
Joker:I KNOW what a bike is you maxi pad muncher!This I gotta see...........Wait a minute,why is he dressed like Batman?
Henchman ..1:Uhhhhh,because he IS Batman boss?
Joker:Well I'll be cornholed with Crisco,it IS that winged rodent!HAHAHAHAHA!Hey Batums,where's you Batmobile?Did Mommy ground you?HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Batman:If you must know you Lewinsky doll my government funding was cut off,since I wear a costume they considere me "the arts" and fucked me hard.I use to have Batarangs,Batropes,now I can't even buy Batshit!I had to cut costs to survive this bullshit economy,do you know how bad I felt laying off Robin?
Joker:Spare me the melodrama Batski,so do you wanna fight now or wait 'til you get home?
Batman:actually,I'm here to talk to you Joker.
Joker:YOU? TALK?!?OK,WHERE'S THE HIDDEN CAMERA?!!!
Batman:No,seriously.I'd like to make a trade,your girl for my Congressman.
Joker:You'll break her out of jail for me?Aww, that's so sweet.Are you getting senile or something?
Batman:Nope.Times are screwy,I gotta make my money somehow.And no,I'm not breaking her out of jail,I know a certain someone who wants her all to himself,and I know where they're hiding.Harley's been out since early this evening.
Joker:Well I'll be.Ok you have yourself a deal.I'll just let that pansy go and...
Batman:No,allow me.You just go to the back of the park by the lake and see The Penguin and your girlfriend.Just go,I'll take care of the Congressman,I have an idea for him.
Joker:Ok,but don't steal my last beer!
Batman:Ha ha ha...
Meanwhile,in the Yoko Ono torture chamber...
YOKO:OOOOWEEEEE!OOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Lecher:Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo...
Batman:Having fun?
Lecher:Oh god am I glad to see you!Get me outta here!
Batman:Hold up,it's because of people like you that my government funding was cut,I want my just due.
Lecher:Anything,ANYHTING!
Batman:Ok,$50,000,right now.
Lecher:Ok,I just gotta get to my mattress.
Batman:Your mattress?
Lecher:Yeah,you think I'm putting my money in a bank?That's how the rookies get caught.
Batman:Ok,Let's go.I hope you like riding on the handlebars.
Lecher: handlebars,I'M A CONGRESSMAN! Don't you have a taxi or something?!?
Batman:$55,000...
Lecher:OK,OK.Handlebars it is...
The next morning...
(KNOCK,KNOCK)
Lecher: ( creak)Hey Bruce,I'm sorry I had a rough night and couldn't get back to you.Would you like to talk now?
Bruce:Nope,I just wanted to drop off this...
Lecher:Whoa,$25,000?Thanks Bruce,your investment will not go unnoticed.
Bruce:Good,just pretend it's your money,ha ha ha...
(In a sleepy metropolis,where criminals like to wear costumes before commiting crime,there is one man who vows to do away with them all.He even wears a costume himself so they don't feel left out.Join us now as we show one dark knight's fight for justice and a decent profit margin...)
Alfred:Mr. Wayne sir.
Bruce:Hmm?
Alfred:A Congressman Lecher is on the phone for you.
Bruce:Very well....Hello?.....A contributor's banquet tonight?Well,I'm not one of your contributors.....Oh,you think it might change my mind do you?.......Topless waitresses you say,well it does sound tempting,but I........Ok,I'll show up,but keep your hands in your own pockets.....Ok,see you then,bye-bye (click).
Alfred:I take it I should find your good underwear sir?
Bruce:No need Alfred,if the Congressman can smell them,he might think I'm as full of shit as he is.It might come in handy.
Alfred:As you wish sir.
Bruce: ( Hmmm,I wonder if he can get me a few tax cuts,this was not the year to sell door-to-door airline food...)
Meanwhile, at the party...
Lecher:BRUCE!How are ya!?Good to see ya!
Bruce:MM-HMM.
Lecher:You see,I'm looking for contributors with deep pockets.I need someone to back me up when trying to get my ideas off the ground.
Bruce:What ideas are you "trying to get off the ground"?
Lecher:You see Bruce,I can get laws passed with relative ease if I have enough "grease for the machine",know what I mean?
Bruce:MM-HMM.
Lecher:And you see with your investment,your INVESTMENTS will be carried out.
Bruce:Sounds good so far,but what if you get caught and my name start popping up in the papers?
Lecher:No problem,I have plenty of staff to blame.With every new contributor I hire one more staff member,you see the waitresses here?
Bruce:Yeah.
Lecher:They were all Ted Kennedy's staffmembers at one time or another.
Bruce:That explains it.
Lecher:Ha ha.So,are you interested?
Bruce:Almost,I tried to sell door-to-door airline food this year and the consumers weren't buying it,I thought if no one's flying they might want to take the experience home.I fired that asshole who gave me that idea,he's a zoo hooker now.So I need a few cuts and shelters for my taxes 'til I figure out what to do with 3,000,000 Lunchables.
Lecher:Uhhh,yeah,ok.So I'll talk to you later on about our "investment",ok?I gotta polish more butts tonight.
Bruce:You got it.(Now that my economy's spared,time to go shop for waitresses...)
Joker:WELL WELL FUCKING WELL!The damn congressman has a party and didn't even send me an invitation!Naughty naughty Lecher,I voted for you the last election.You know how much I like a good joke!HAHAHAHAHA!
Lecher:What the hell do you want,Joker?
Joker:Simple,I want you to lobby for my girlfriend's freedom.Harley's been in ther 3,LOOOOONG DAYS,and I think it's time she was reprieved of her transgressions.
Lecher:I don't think so Joker,she DID give the mayor a wedgie and switched gas pumps to pump Kool Aid.
Joker:I thought that was funny!You don't even see such ingenuity on TV anymore,what ever happened to the ol' pie in the face?
Lecher:I'm sorry Joker,she's gonna be stuck for a while.
Joker:Then YOUR happy ass will be stuck with me and a Yoko Ono album until you change your mind pal!
Batman:I don't think so.
Joker: D ammit Batman,can't I be an evil prick without you butting in for once?!
Batman:...Naaah!
Joker:Well you're not gonna win this time you costumed freak! TIME TO GO LECHER! HAHAHAHAHAHA(FSSSSSSSS)!
Batman:Now who the hell...are...you...callllllllin' a ...costumed ..........freak........(bitch).................... ......Ungh,what happened?
Commish:The Joker has kidnapped the Congressman,no loss I'd say.
Batman:Easy for you to say,you have a steady paycheck.
Commish: Indeed Batman,but the Joker has vanished.There's not a trace of him anywhere!
Batman:Ha ha ha...
Commish:What's so funny Batman?
Batman:The joke is on the Joker this time,he's gonna torure the Congressman with Yoko Ono albums,you can hear that banshee bitch miles away.
Commish: Ok Batman,if you can find him I'd be much obliged.
Batman: Obliged enough to start paying me?
Commish:Ha ha.I'll see you later...
Meanwhile,at Joker's hideout...
Joker: Hee hee,before I show you the sheer pain of Yoko,do you want to change your mind and free my girl?
Lecher:Never!There's no profit in it for me!
Joker:Yes there is,I let you live,and your ears won't be as damaged after the Yoko torture if you act now.
Lecher:NEVER!Do your worst!If I can handle Strom Thurmond's rantings I can handle ANYTHING!!!
Joker:Ok,you asked for it(click)...
YOKO:WEEEEEEEEEE!OOOEEEEOOOEEEEEEEEEEE!
Lecher:Oh my god...
YOKO:WAAAAAAAAOOOAAAAAOOOAAAAAAAA!EEEEEE!
Lecher:And I though Tiny Tim was fucked...
YOKO:LALALALALAAAAAAAAAAA!OOOOOEEEEEEAAAAAAOOOOOEE EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Lecher:Oh fuck this,Waaaaaaaa!
Joker:Awwww,wittle Congwessman needs a nappy poo?All you gotta do is free my missus,and Yoko goes away.
Lecher:AAAAAAAAAA!(breath)AAAAAAAAAAAA!
Henchman ..1:Boss,there's a bike coming our way!
Joker:A bike?We don't know anyone with a motorcycle!
Henchman ..1:No Boss,a bike.You know,with pedals and stuff.
Joker:I KNOW what a bike is you maxi pad muncher!This I gotta see...........Wait a minute,why is he dressed like Batman?
Henchman ..1:Uhhhhh,because he IS Batman boss?
Joker:Well I'll be cornholed with Crisco,it IS that winged rodent!HAHAHAHAHA!Hey Batums,where's you Batmobile?Did Mommy ground you?HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Batman:If you must know you Lewinsky doll my government funding was cut off,since I wear a costume they considere me "the arts" and fucked me hard.I use to have Batarangs,Batropes,now I can't even buy Batshit!I had to cut costs to survive this bullshit economy,do you know how bad I felt laying off Robin?
Joker:Spare me the melodrama Batski,so do you wanna fight now or wait 'til you get home?
Batman:actually,I'm here to talk to you Joker.
Joker:YOU? TALK?!?OK,WHERE'S THE HIDDEN CAMERA?!!!
Batman:No,seriously.I'd like to make a trade,your girl for my Congressman.
Joker:You'll break her out of jail for me?Aww, that's so sweet.Are you getting senile or something?
Batman:Nope.Times are screwy,I gotta make my money somehow.And no,I'm not breaking her out of jail,I know a certain someone who wants her all to himself,and I know where they're hiding.Harley's been out since early this evening.
Joker:Well I'll be.Ok you have yourself a deal.I'll just let that pansy go and...
Batman:No,allow me.You just go to the back of the park by the lake and see The Penguin and your girlfriend.Just go,I'll take care of the Congressman,I have an idea for him.
Joker:Ok,but don't steal my last beer!
Batman:Ha ha ha...
Meanwhile,in the Yoko Ono torture chamber...
YOKO:OOOOWEEEEE!OOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Lecher:Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo...
Batman:Having fun?
Lecher:Oh god am I glad to see you!Get me outta here!
Batman:Hold up,it's because of people like you that my government funding was cut,I want my just due.
Lecher:Anything,ANYHTING!
Batman:Ok,$50,000,right now.
Lecher:Ok,I just gotta get to my mattress.
Batman:Your mattress?
Lecher:Yeah,you think I'm putting my money in a bank?That's how the rookies get caught.
Batman:Ok,Let's go.I hope you like riding on the handlebars.
Lecher: handlebars,I'M A CONGRESSMAN! Don't you have a taxi or something?!?
Batman:$55,000...
Lecher:OK,OK.Handlebars it is...
The next morning...
(KNOCK,KNOCK)
Lecher: ( creak)Hey Bruce,I'm sorry I had a rough night and couldn't get back to you.Would you like to talk now?
Bruce:Nope,I just wanted to drop off this...
Lecher:Whoa,$25,000?Thanks Bruce,your investment will not go unnoticed.
Bruce:Good,just pretend it's your money,ha ha ha...