Listen to the current show: Episode #104: England is Rubbish

Episode #104: England is Rubbish

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Booze, Beardo, Turtleman Whaaaat’s up, me old China plates? Put another whelk on the Barbie(cue) as our Australian correspondent Beardo returns to insult the country his criminal forefathers were exiled from years ago, for crimes too trivial to bother hanging them for. He starts with a report on England’s lamest sports, most of which seem to have been invented to give the aristocracy an excuse to fondle each other’s bottoms. There’s more England bashing in the News Round, as Prince Harry saves animals by murdering them, and we find out that Booze is paying…

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Episode #103: Baldgust 2 – Electric Boogaloo

Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Booze, Turtleman Guess what? Belasco’s Back! We were let down this week by somebody who shall remain nameless but who is Australian and has a big beard, so we had to ask a real professional to come back from his holidays and help us out.* Although our host strangely disappears when we welcome back another blast from the past… our agony aunt Bane off of Batman, who drops by to help solve a listener’s love conundrum. Remember Baldgust? That’s SFJ’s answer to Movember, where instead of getting to grow a cool moustache, you shave your…

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Episode #102: Southbound & Down

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Chuck Turtleman, Booze, Beardo Whaaaaaat’s up, my cotton pickin’ honkies? Beardo’s banjo bits are finally appropriate, as we journey down South to check out Chuck Turtleman’s homeland. Join us, dagnabbit, as we delve into the divisive dilemma of the confederate flag, and learn how to drawl like true sons of the South with Steel Magnolias accent coach Professor David Alan Stern. Along the way, we’ll answer all the big questions. What is the secret meaning behind the numbers on the General Lee? What 1970’s BBC sitcom star flew to Arizona to have sex with…

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Episode #101: Angels in Our Classrooms – An SFJ Special Report

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Chuck Turtleman, Booze, Beardo All Banjo Stunts performed by Beardo In this very special 101st episode of SFJ, we dig deep into the disturbing and worrying issue of student/teacher affairs, and bring you the hard-hitting facts and analysis you’ve come to expect. Yes, it’s an SFJ Special Report on #Angels in our Classrooms! Professor Turtleman takes up the newscopter, and introduces us to one of the world’s sexiest international monkeys (according to social media users in Japanese Chinaland). Chuck also calls into question the pretend rapeability of a 43-year-old woman, whose fitness watch torpedoed…

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Episode #100: Taylor Swift’s Armpits

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Chuck Turtleman, Booze Crack open the champagne and festively dye your armpit hair, it’s SFJ 100! Or, 177. On this special centennial episode, Booze nostalgically remembers the hairy pits of yesteryear’s Europeans, and yearns for a dwarf worthy of his love. We learn the altitude of Chuck Turtleman’s navel, and then visit with Professor David Alan Stern; the accent guru, who teaches us all how to talk like a fair dinkum Aussie. And the show gets really disruptive when we are forced to examine whether our weekly Franks are bully or cheeky (they’re cheeky).…

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Episode #99: Chuck’s Internet Date – Live!

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Chuck Turtleman, Booze Whaaaaaaaat’s up, my lovebirds? In this special romance-themed episode, Chuck Turtleman goes on an internet date with an internet lady that he’s never met before, and records it all for your listening pleasure. Seemingly on some equipment that Edison threw out for sounding a bit rubbish. Booze brings us the tale of a scantily-clad love meltdown in the crazy world of R&B, and we hear about two angels dispensing no-questions-asked guilt free love as we take to the sky for the News Round. One of the angels is very fond of…

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Episode #98: Jesus the Monkey!

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Chuck Turtleman, Booze In this international, action-packed episode we have a very special guest from down under, Beardo!  We start the show off getting the long-awaited global perspective on Korean Chinaleader Kim Jong Il, Jr’s newest execution method.  Professor Chuck Turtleman is Internet dating, and tells us all about his adventures with the fairer sex in Asheville, NC (home of Wackadoo’s comedy club).  Beardo gives us a live reading of his True Stories of Australian History, and it involves sex, animals, and sex with animals -which we learn is a favorite scandal with the Australian people.  On our News Round, we take to the skies of London, England and Somerville, Massachusetts to discuss tortoise mating behavior and taxi cab crashes.  Our Idiots of Facebook…

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Episode #97: What’s Up, My Honkies

Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Chuck Turtleman, Booze, Belasco Let’s clear up a bit of listener confusion. Contrary to popular belief, Mr Turtleman is not retiring from the podcast. He’s just being a crazy maverick & refusing to play by the rules like Belasco & Booze & all you other lame-O squares do. He still brings us the News Round, though. But now he does it whilst chewing bubble gum, turning his hat backwards & wearing blue jeans & white sneakers. This week, we meet a Brazilian bodybuilder who asks “Do you even inject, bro?” & a Canadian Chinaman who likes turtles so much he attaches almost 53 of them to to his legs & under-regions. Or maybe they’re tortoises. Hard to tell. We continue the tale of our new…

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Episode #96: Life Improving Life Hacks

Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Chuck Turtleman, Booze, Belasco We have good news and bad news. First the bad news: a beloved part of our long-running podcast is retiring as of this show. The decision is final and only an enormous groundswell of positive iTunes reviews and word-of-mouth promotion will change it. The good news: Little Caesar is back and she’s still whining on Facebook. We have all the juicy details. Also, we’ll hear about a pain-reliever commercial that’s giving Booze a headache. Belasco bemoans the unfairness of every other country in the world getting “Avengers: Age of Ultron” before the United States. Turtleman shares a few life-hacks that may just get you off the couch and living fully once again, but probably not. Our Idiots of Facebook segment asks…

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Episode #95: Live frine the Golding Nuegt!

Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Booze, Chuck Turtleman In episode #95 we learn the history of Las Vegas’ legendary Golding Nuegt. All the big names played there – Elvis, Ted Nugent, and now SFJ! It’s an honor to be a part of its storied history. Turtleman’s News Round introduces us to Lee and we hear about his run-in with a home-made tattoo gun.  Spoiler Alert: the tattoo gun wins.  Also not expected to fare well, a Russian man who is allowing his head to be transplanted onto another body. We’ll visit with Beardo and learn another True Story from Australian History about “the worst thing ever produced.” Several Idiots of Facebook check-in including Blurry Shirley, Lisa <bleep>, and multiple Franks being creepier than a man with a transplanted head.  Also,…

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Episode #93: Angelo!

Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Booze, Chuck Turtleman In our 93rd full installment, we meet hunky beefcake Internet sensation Angelo! He was in Menudeo, but now he’s all grown up and, lucky for us, hasn’t given up his love for music! He’s got the body of the hulk and the voice of Stefano. Later, we discuss the various classifications of little people, have some R&B news with Booze, discuss Turtleman’s stepmom’s childhood poodle, and Belasco tells us all about Han Solo’s latest plane crash. And, you’ll want to buckle-up because our news copter takes us to exotic places like Rome and Applebee’s. We have a very special Idiots of Facebook. Remember the hunky beefcake Angelo? Well, he has very interesting fans on Facebook. And, wow, are they idiots! As usual,…

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Episode #92: Spocktor Who

Featuring:  Booze, Belasco, Chuck Turtleman Producer: Chuck Turtleman Art by: Chimera-Stormhawk (http://chimaera-stormhawk.deviantart.com/) What’s up, my honkies! Chuck Turtleman here to tell you all about Episode 92 of the SFJ podcast. First, I regale the listeners with a story of being stabbed by turtle poo, Belasco is excited about the upcoming Settlers vs. Cthulhu movie, and Booze tells us why Belgium is Shit. I explain how to outpoint a mollusk then a pachyderm in the boxing ring, and we all learn some fascinating Australian History. The News Round Copter is stuck over North Korea this week, but we don’t come away without a slogan. And on this week’s Idiots of Facebook, instead of delving deep into the trials and tribulations of one idiot, we hit on highlights of several of them to…

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